I got myself unduly and sweatily overwrought concerning 'National Treasures' this week. The trigger was watching Mamma Mia whilst having a massage from a tiny, very wonderful Filipino. I was rhapsodising about Meryl Streep's talent and then produced a totally misinformed tirade about what a terrible thing it was that Julie Walters hadn't been honoured with a Damehood and Helen Mirren had. I was of course totally wrong (she is 'Dame Julie') but stay with me cuz THAT'S BESIDE THE POINT. WHY (oh why) IS HELEN MIRREN A DAME ? Mediocre and buttoned-up actor at best. I think it can only be that she has a pair of knockers beloved by the British Establishment and a posh voice. Why hasn't Keeley Hawes got one? - far superior actress, and almost certainly more screen-miles under her belt which I think makes the fact that she's younger totally irrelevant.
"Hmm" said Jana, "I just don't know what you're talking about"
"Jana, believe me" I retorted, "We British are suckers for anyone who is by any sane measure second-rate. As long as they're camp or reformed bad boys and girls, or have an initial randomly attached, then we deem them 'National Treasures' and invite them to Royal Ascot. It's called the Hobnob measure."
"??????" said Jana.
So dear reader please advise. Am I right or wrong? Who should we 'dub'?